Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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