These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I just gargled with NyQuil
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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