Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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