you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
