the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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