my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Is it because I queefed?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
