I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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