I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
