I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
