apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
