how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
