11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
hotel room ftw
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
