and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
