i need an iv and a liver transplant
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
