You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
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