R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize