I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
My pussy is not your playground.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
We had sex on a dog bed..
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
