One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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