If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
