All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
whose ass print is on the piano?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
