people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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