I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
