Where did you get a picture of my penis
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
