I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
