Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
