Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
