We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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