He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
