She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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