This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Operation Purity has been aborted
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
