she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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