Whod you bang
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
