I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
