...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
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