Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
