my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize