I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
