I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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