Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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