seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
