I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
