I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
