k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
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