I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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