He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
