NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
