somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
smell my finger.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
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