I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
