I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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