apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
