i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
