I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
