I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
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