and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
