Whoa Z and x make the same sound
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
