a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
