If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
