Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
