You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
