Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
