a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
