I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
