That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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