Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize