i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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