Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
