I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
4 words: hood of his car
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
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