I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
