the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize