gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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