Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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