I met the friendliest cop last night
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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