I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Randomize
