man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
