oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize