he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
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