i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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