we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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